It's all good

Sliding home

Griffey took his first slide at the baseball field.  It just happened to be into a combination of gravel and cement instead of home plate.  He is just under 18 months and has officially had his first road rash. 

We went to visit Nick at the field on Tuesday night before heading home to dinner.  On our way back to the car I was consoling Fin  because he couldn't stay to put the field to bed and Griffey got in front of us and took a nose dive.  I saw it in slow motion.  Personally I was expecting major road rash and as I picked him up I tried to hold back MY tears trying to make their way through.  I felt so bad and felt responsible even if it was going to happen months from now in a totally different senario.  Looking at Griffey, what a trooper...I thought it would turn black and blue by the time bedtime would hit.  I took a moment with the boys on the bleachers and gather my thoughts.  Thing was none of it was really about me...only thing that was about me was holding it all together to put the two of them back together.

I walked back to the car with one boy in my arms crying and the other wailed while tugging on my coat.  Oh, what a moment...I laughted inside knowing this would probably not be the only time that I will walk out of a baseball park with two crying boys. 

 

5 already

5 years ago today I was up at 4 am with labor pains and at 7 am I realized I should wake Nick up to take us to the hospital. Can you believe he had the nerve to say that he was going to shower first? Yes, yes you do...he’s a man not in labor. I let him…considering I still needed to pack my bag(crawling all over to get stuff). Fin was a bit earlier than we thought he’d come and to this day still grows at a very rapid pace.

When did this happen? How did I wake up with a 5 year old this morning? Mind you I woke up extra early (5am) thanks to a very excited 5 year old. Fin just couldn’t contain his delight when he woke up to a room filled with a ton of helium filled balloons by Chippy, (Fin’s elf) who came back to visit him for his birthday.

I wasn’t as emotional as I thought I would be. I think I was just more excited for him and his big day. I love birthdays and especially if they fall on a weekend…you get to celebrate without school or work. It’s awesome particularly for a 5 year old. As we progressed through the day, I thought about what I was doing at that exact time just 5 years previous (minus the pain). I wonder if the events of Fin’s birth will get blurry over the years as 5 turns to 10, 20 to 40 and God only knows if this crazy brain will have the capacity to remember the details of an event even if it’s the birth of your flesh and blood when you are creeping up to 80. I’d like to think I’d remember.

The only time I did get emotional today was when I was reading Fin the book, Dumbo. When I got closer to the part about Dumbo visiting his mom in the elephant “jail” and she stuck out her trunk from the window and rocked him in her trunk I almost couldn’t read anymore with my eyes getting filled up with tears. I’m sure Fin would have just given me a hug if he saw me cry but I just didn’t want to do that. I held it together reading but all I could think of is when he was about Griffey’s age and I could rock with him reading and he’s just sit there as I would brush my cheek against his soft baby fine hair.

5 years. I hear it goes even faster when they get into school and the years start blurring together. It’s all so exciting seeing him in a new light as a 5 year old. When I put him to bed tonight , I looked at him and I swear he looked older.

UNO!

Last night was devoted to working on numbers and what a better way to work on recognizing numbers than with a UNO game…or two or three. 

Fin and Nick have been playing a bit more than I have been playing with Fin and he’s got the game down now.  I think Nick can relate the directions so much better than I can to a child.  I am still trying to learn how to make things simpler.  Anyway…

Fin has always liked to hold onto a wild card for his last card and has finally recognized that the wild card is not the UNO card…that the UNO card is your last card.  He still likes to have the wild card as his UNO card…he’s a smart kid.  But he will ask me to give him a wild card each time I deal.  No sir…I will not.  If he happens to get one fine but I don’t let him win before the game starts.  I fully admit that I tend to still let him win.  Nick doesn’t and Fin is a fair loser, I’ve been impressed with his losing skills.  I haven’t won yet because I keep drawing more cards than I actually need to.  I think I need to learn how to win against a 5 year old (on Saturday he turns 5 if you can believe it).  He needs to learn how to lose and I need to know how to win against him…it’s a beautiful relationship.

When we were playing one of our games last night Fin wasn’t listening well and I said “Finny, turn your Beltone up.” He looked at me and I asked him if he knew what I meant.  He said sometimes at school Mrs. Bitsy tells them to turn on their ears and shows me with his hands by each of his ears how he turns up the volume.  I laughed because it was so cute and right on. “Yes, Fin that is correct.”  I just love our moments together.

Melt this mama’s heart

Friday night we were on our way home from eating out at the Spaghetti Factory and Fin is sitting in the back with Ashley and I don’t have a clue what exactly we were all talking about but Finley said to me, “mom, you’re a fancy mom.”  I felt as if I was Kate Middleton there for a moment.  My son thinks I’m fancy.  Wish I would have remember that when I was losing my cool the next day. 

Monday night we were all sitting at the dinner table about to partake in our meal of Sunday leftovers, well 2 out of 4 of us were already trying to eat…a hum...Fin and Griffey.  I said, “ok, let’s say grace.”  Fin sat down whatever he was about to chewing on and Griffey sat his sippy cup down and then put his hands together for grace.  That was the first time he had done so.  Fin, Nick and I all looked at each other and smiled… it was so cute.  I ask Fin to say grace and during grace I couldn’t help but look to my right at Griffey who just sat there with his hands still together smiling while we prayed.  We all clapped for Griffey after our prayer.  We’ve also been known to clap at the end of our prayers if Nick and Fin sing/rap us grace as well.

Those moments just melt this mama’s heart.

Calling Jesus

February 15^th devotion From Sarah Young’s daily devotional called Jesus Calling

Come to me with all your weaknesses: physical, emotional and spiritual.  Rest in the comfort of My Presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me.

Pry your mind away from your problems so you can focus your attention on ME.  Recall that I am able to do immeasurable more than all you ask or imagine.  Instead of trying to direct Me to do this and that, seek to attune yourself to what I am already doing. 

When anxiety attempts to wedge its way into your thoughts, remind yourself that I am your Shepherd. The bottom line is that I am taking care of you; therefore, you needn’t be afraid of anything.  Rather than trying to maintain control over your life, abandon yourself to My will.  Though his may feel frightening-even dangerous, the safest place to be is in My will.

Luke 1:37; Ephesians 3:20; Psalm 23:1-4

 

Well if this devotional reading just didn’t “fall” on my lap at the perfect timing.  I try to read my daily devotional from Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling every day…some days I get lazy, forget or think I don’t have time.  Last night when I went to bed I read February 14^th and February 15^th devotions.  Sometimes I skip ahead thinking that well Jewish people think the day actually starts at sundown so I should just read ahead…I’m not Jewish but Jesus was..so whom am I to say when the day technically starts.  Glad I read February 15^th because it hit me right when and where He meant for it to hit….that moment…and my heart.  It hit on many levels.

One:   I’ve been struggling with not being the perfect person; perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect employee, and perfect volunteer.  I need to give this act up…and I need to let go of the control.  It’s so hard because you like your “image” but it’s so hard to keep it up. 

Two: But it’s so hard to also show your weaknesses.  I’m trying to remember that it’s God’s glory that I want to show.  Show God shining through my weakness of the “good girl” as I like to call “her”

Three:   When I’m in prayer time, I’m trying to process and figure out exactly what am struggling with so I can be specific on what my problems are and He can fix them.  When I was telling my prayer needs at my bible study, one of my girl friends said, “Are you try to outsmart God?”  Wow…I think… I was.  I didn’t want to pray for patience with Finley…I didn’t want to be tested more with that. But I didn’t know what I wanted to exactly pray about.  Thank God for my girl friends who can figure me out and know what I do need to pray about and keep in focused…Seeing Fin through God’s eyes. 

Handwriting

Handwriting…I love looking at someone’s handwriting especially if it’s in cursive.  My parents have a frame in their living room on my great grandmother Rose’s bridal shirt and a famous cookie recipe of hers.  I love just looking at the handwriting.  I also have a cook book of my grandma Stroh’s from the 70s and see her writing (I need to remember to take it back with me this summer for her to decipher some of the recipes for me).  I love my mom and my dad’s handwriting.  Both have beautiful handwriting and I’ve always been in awe of it.  I remember learning cursive and trying to write my G’s like my mom.  Maybe I should have gone into the forensic  science of handwriting…only problem would have been getting through the science part..he..hee..

Now, I have a new love of handwriting…Fin’s handwriting.  He’s learning to write his ABC’s and has been working on writing his name for the past few months.  He has come a long way from tracing to having his name on the paper to being able to write it without looking at an example.  It’s the cutest thing.  The past few nights, Nick and Fin have been writing Fin’s valentines.  Fin will write his name and then Nick will write the child’s name it goes to.  Nick said last night that he didn’t have the heart to add Griffey’s name on their daycare valentines because Fin’s name looked so nice.  How sweet.

Tonight’s romantic Valentine’s candle light dinner will consist of the boy’s favorite meal of homemade mac and cheese with grilled hot dogs and sparkling cider.  I have three dates tonight…how blessed am I?  Very

God's gift

I really should have posted the below post from Ann Voskamp’s blog on my fridge to read this last weekend.  I had a weekend of mostly moments that I wish went faster than they did.  Those moments that merge into a full day and you lie in bed at the end of it and wonder what you did right as a mom, as a Christian, as a human being.  Saturday, I felt I failed.

-“Be present – because the present is just that – a present. A gift. No one has to carpe diem, seize the day, of everyday chromos ( meaning quantitative) time — we can all grind our teeth through as many of the difficult moments we want – and miss who knows how much of our life? How do you know which moments are the kairos (meaning quality) moments to seize — and the chronos ones to merely survive?

Maybe the ones you aren’t seizing are the ones that might change you?

What if your present was giving you more gifts than you ever imagined?

But maybe it isn’t so much about as carpe diem – seize the day.

Maybe it’s about this: God uses the day to seize us. God carpe diems.

God seizes the days: God seizes time and uses it as an instrument to transform. God seizes every moment to sculpt souls and shape lives and transform ashes into glory. What if isn’t so much about seizing kairos moments and surviving chronos moments — but seeing all as Christ-filled moments? That God seizes the moment to make me more like Christ and what if I seized more of the moments, because there is something of my Savior in them?”

It's in the blood

 

Standing at the end of a diving board for the first time is a scary moment for a child.  There is a whole 36 inches of space before your toes and the water.  Back when I learned and even when I taught kids to jump from a diving board you jumped to a person in the water trusting that the person would catch you.  Kids would stand on the edge of the diving board for minutes debating their livelihood.  Now, up teen years later it’s so much easier on kids…they use lifejackets…so smart.

Tuesday night at swimming lessons Fin learned how to jump off a diving board.  When he told me I was so excited for him.  That’s a HUGE step and who else than me…his mother to be the most proud.  It brought back so many memories of swimming lessons and teaching kids to trust water. 

Nick was smart to take the ipod to catch the moment on video.  Granted it’s no HD but it’s a great video of seeing my little guy grow up to be like the kids I use to watch when I was a lifeguard.  Nick took some other videos so I could see Fin’s improvement. I was almost in shock…shock with a huge smile on my face. I haven’t been able to watch him during swim lessons so seeing being able to swim by himself was a very proud moment. 

I wonder where he gets his love for swimming from?

 

 

Reptile Day

Every year Nick has the “snake lady” come to his class and do her presentation with her reptiles and this year he asked Fin (after getting arrangements set with daycare…smart thinking) if he wanted to come for the “snake lady”.  You don’t have to ask Fin twice if he wants to go into Nick’s classroom…Fin is 4 (and 3 quarters mind you) going on 11….so he thinks.  He’ll do anything to go to daddy’s school, snakes would not have been on Fin’s list of must sees.

 Nick makes the day very special for the kids and makes sure they have a momento.  Each kid gets their picture taken with the big snake which I think is a albino boa constrictor.  We’ve got enough of those pictures from season’s past but do you think I could find one of them to post?  Nope.  Anyway, Fin didn’t want him picture taken with a snake so Nick got the smallest one and Fin stood by.  I concur with Fin.  I’ll stay my distance.  But give the kid a sting ray or nurse shark and he’s all about touching it….that’s a post for another day.

Oldest

Fin and his vegetable snowman (when we had snow in January).  We didn't have coal and large carrots, so he had to settle for broccoli and baby carrots....he was pretty inventive. 

I’m already starting to hear myself say the dreaded words that I heard as a child.  You are the oldest, you need to set an example…I hated those words…being the oldest was like having a curse.  You were the one who had the set the example, the one blamed for everything, the one that got in trouble the most…being the oldest was hard.

Now I find myself in a mental quandary…I’m first a parent, yet I’m the one that knows exactly what it feels like for Fin.  Nick will be the one to identify with Griffey and his future frustrations.  Fin hasn’t shown his frustrations yet, so I don’t have that hanging over me at the moment.  I have that internal struggle knowing that I’m going to cause the same frustration in Fin that I use to have. 

Maybe it’s good that I’m having this internal conflict now and get over it before Fin starts to get frustrated and I can stand my ground.  I’ll have to do my Love and Logic research and see what their method of madness is.